Subjunctive KoL: ItemEffects

This page lists the effects of combat-usable and noncombat-usable items. I've tried to keep it up-to-date but parts of it may have fallen out of date. Let me know if there's anything missing. Note that this is not as exhaustive a list as RecipeList or CocktailCrafting, so not all effects may be listed.

This list does not yet include items not generally available (as listed in UnavailableItems). I'll put these in here eventually.

• ! potions: There are nine different ! potions. Each one gives you one of the following nine effects. However, the correspondence between potion and effect is different for every player, so the only way to find out which potion does what is by experimentation. (Ascending will also re-randomize the correspondence of potions to effects.) ! potions can only be used outside of combat.
• +1-3 drunkenness
• +14-16 HP and MP
• +10 Teleportitis effect
• +10 Object Detection effect (possibly +item drops; see more things when mining)
• +10 Strength of Ten Ettins effect (+25% Muscle)
• +10 Strange Mental Acuity effect (+25% Mysticality)
• +10 Izchak's Blessing effect (+25% Moxie)
• +20 Sleepy effect (-30% Muscle)
• +20 Confused effect (-30% Mysticality)
• 31337 scroll (noncombat: acquire hermit script & stat script the first time you use one, otherwise 3-5 of: worthless gewgaw, worthless knick-knack, worthless trinket)
• 64735 scroll (noncombat: acquire drywall axe & facsimile dictionary in exchange for dictionary)
• 668 scroll (noncombat: summon the Neighbor of the Beast, random effect:)
• "Drunkenness!": +10 drunkenness
• "Pain!": -31-176 HP
• "Papayas!": acquire 10-12 papayas
• "Poverty!": -593 meat
• "Power!": +var. Mus & +var. Mys & +var. Mox
• "Weakness!": -var. Mus & -var. Mys & -var. Mox
• "Wealth!": +589-928 meat
• 8-ball (noncombat: nothing, reusable; combat: "You throw the 8-ball at your opponent. He gets behind it, and starts freaking out." Presumably reduces opponent power.)
• adder bladder (noncombat: +10 Deadly Flashing Blade effect)
• all-purpose flower (noncombat: acquire 35-45 wads of dough)
• alphabet gum (noncombat: +5 Bubble, Bubble effect)
• aluminum wand: see WandEffects
• Angry Farmer candy (noncombat: +10 Sugar Rush effect)
• antique bottle of cough syrup (noncombat: +18-20 Mys, +10 The Q Is Talking To You effect, 1 Spleen)
• [aspirin] (noncombat: +27-31 HP, removes Beaten Up, Poisoned, Confused, Embarrassed, Sleepy, and Wussiness effects, although not Apathy)
• [astronaut ice-cream] (noncombat: +8-10 Adventures, 1 Spleen)
• awful poetry journal (noncombat: reusable, -15-20 HP)
• [ball] (combat: you instantly escape from combat, receiving no items, meat, or experience)
• Barbed-Wire Fence (noncombat: installs a yard of barbed-wire fence at your campyard if you have less than 9; combat: "You throw the barbed-wire fence at your opponent, who gets tangled up in it. He rips it to shreds, but gets all scratched up in the process." Presumably this reduces your opponent's power.)
• barskin tent (noncombat: installs a barskin tent at your campsite, if you don't already have one or something better)
• bartender-in-the-box (noncombat: installs a bartender-in-the-box at your campsite, if you don't already have one)
• baseball (noncombat: +3 Mus OR +3 Mys OR +3 Mox if you have at least three baseballs; combat: 6-8 damage)
• bat guano (noncombat: acquire guano coffee cup)
• beanbag chair (noncombat: installs a beanbag chair at your campsite, if you don't already have one)
• beer cartilage (noncombat: converts 6 ice-cold Sir Schlitzes into an ice-cold six-pack; no effect, reusable if you don't have 6 ice-cold Sir Schlitzes)
• Bit O' Ectoplasm (noncombat: +5 Sugar Rush effect)
• Black No. 2 (noncombat: +10 Locks Like the Raven effect)
• black pension check (noncombat: +400-449 Meat)
• black pepper (combat: "You throw the pepper in your opponent's face. It lapses into a sneezing fit." Presumably reduces opponent power.)
• black picnic basket (noncombat: acquire 2-5 of: black forest cake, black forest ham, black pepper, black pudding, black & tan, Blackfly Chardonnay)
• black snowcone (noncombat: +20 Black Tongue effect)
• Blatantly Canadian (noncombat: +21-25 MP)
• blood of the Wereseal (noncombat: +10 Temporary Lycanthropy effect)
• blue pixel potion (noncombat or combat: +25-30 MP)
• blue snowcone (noncombat: +20 Blue Tongue effect)
• blue-frosted astral cupcake (noncombat: +20 Cupcake of Choice effect)
• bottle of alcohol (combat: 45-60 hot damage)
• bottle of Monsieur Bubble (noncombat or combat: +45-65 MP)
• bottle of ultravitamins (noncombat: +18-20 Mus, +10 Vitamin-Maxed effect, 1 Spleen)
• bottle of used blood (noncombat: +15-20 primary stat & +10-15 secondary stat. Primary stat is Mus for SC/TT, Mys for P/S, Mox for DB/AT, and secondary stat is Mus for P/DB, Mys for TT/AT, and Mox for SC/S)
• box of sunshine (noncombat: +40 The Smile of Mr. A. effect)
• briefcase (noncombat: acquire fat stacks of cash OR +300 meat)
• bubbly potion: see ! potion
• bunch of bananas (noncombat: acquire 4-6 bananas)
• [can of Binarrrca (noncombat: +50 Talking Like a Pirate effect)
• can of hair spray (noncombat: +3 Butt-Rock Hair effect; combat: 3-4 hot damage)
• can of Red Minotaur (noncombat: +1 PvP fight, +5 Wings effect, 3 Spleen)
• candy brain (noncombat: +15 Sugar Rush effect)
• carbonated water lily (noncombat: +60-70 MP)
• cast (noncombat or combat: +15-19 HP)
• Certificate of Participation (noncombat: install a Kingdom of Loathing Certificate of Participation at your campsite)
• chaos butterfly (noncombat: -30-40 Mus OR +30-40 Mus OR -30-40 Mys OR +30-40 Mys OR -30-40 Mox OR +30-40 Mox OR -126-495 Meat OR +111-460 Meat; combat: randomly alter opposing monster's power)
• cheap toaster (noncombat: installs a cheap toaster at your campsite, if you don't already have one)
• cheap wind-up clock (noncombat: +10 Ticking Clock effect)
• chef-in-the-box (noncombat: installs a chef-in-the-box at your campsite, if you don't already have one)
• Cherry Cloaca Cola (noncombat: +7-9 MP)
• Chest of the Bonerdagon (noncombat: +150 Mus & +150 Mys & +150 Mox & +3000 meat)
• cloudy potion: see ! potion
• cold nuggets (noncombat: +5 Frigid Weapon effect)
• cold powder (noncombat: +5 Insulated Trousers effect)
• cold wad (noncombat: +1 Adventure, +24-30 Mus, +16-20 Mys, +8-10 Mox, +10 Cold Blooded effect, 1 Spleen)
• concentrated magicalness pill (noncombat: +5-7 Mys, 1 Spleen)
• cottage (noncombat: installs a cottage at your campsite, if you don't already have one or something better)
• dance card (noncombat: if your 4th adventure from now is in the Haunted Ballroom, you will receive the Rotting Matilda adventure)
• dark potion: see ! potion
• dead mimic (noncombat: acquire one of aluminum wand, ebony wand, hexagonal wand, marble wand, pine wand)
• decorative fountain (noncombat: +1 Sleepy effect)
• delectable catalyst (noncombat: turns a scrumptious reagent into a scrumdiddlyumptious solution; no effect, reusable if you don't have any scrumptious reagents)
• deodorant (noncombat: +10 Fresh Scent effect)
• dictionary (reusable, combat: no effect on opponents outside The Valley Beyond the Orc Chasm; 30-60 damage to opponents inside The Valley Beyond the Orc Chasm)
• Diet Cloaca Cola (noncombat: +7-9 MP)
• disassembled clover (noncombat: acquire ten-leaf clover)
• disease (combat: "You give your opponent 'the disease.'" Presumably this reduces your opponent's power.)
• disintegrating quill pen (noncombat: with inkwell and tattered scrap of paper in inventory, consumes them and produces a scroll of ancient forbidden unspeakable evil; without, no effect, reusable)
• Doc Galaktik's Ailment Ointment (noncombat or combat: +8-10 HP)
• Doc Galaktik's Homeopathic Elixir (noncombat or combat; +18-20 HP)
• Doc Galaktik's Pungent Unguent (noncombat or combat: +3-5 HP)
• Doc Galaktik's Restorative Balm (noncombat or combat: +13-15 HP)
• [doll house] (noncombat: acquire 3-4 random tiny plastic figurines, either regular or Crimbo)
• drum machine (noncombat: without worm-riding hooks equipped, fight a giant sandworm [see AdventureSpoiler]; with worm-riding hooks equipped, gain access to A Small Pyramid, lose hooks)
• Dyspepsi-Cola (noncombat or combat: +10-14 MP)
• ebony wand: see WandEffects
• effervescent potion: see ! potion
• Elf Farm Raffle ticket (noncombat: acquire Elfin Shortbread without a ten-leaf clover, or Pagoda Plans with a ten-leaf clover)
• empty Orcish meat locker (noncombat: installs an Orcish meat locker at your campsite, if you don't already have one)
• enchanted barbell (noncombat: +5-6 Mus, 1 Spleen)
• evil flaming eyeball pendant (noncombat: randomly becomes a flaming familiar doppelgänger, flaming juggler's balls, a flaming pink shirt, or liar's pants, -approx. 5% HP)
• evil golden arches (noncombat: installs a pair of Evil Golden Arches at your campsite, if you don't already have one)
• extra-strength strongness elixir (noncombat: +8-10 Mus, 1 Spleen)
• facsimile dictionary (reusable, combat: no effect on opponents outside The Valley Beyond the Orc Chasm; 30-60 damage to opponents inside The Valley Beyond the Orc Chasm)
• Familiar-Gro™ Terrarium (noncombat: installs a Familiar-Gro™ Terrarium at your campsite, if you don't already have one)
• fancy bath salts (combat: "You throw the bath salts on the ground in front of your opponent. Now nothing will ever grow there, but other than that, the act was pretty much completely pointless. Your opponent looks a little confused." Presumably reduces your opponent's power.)
• [fancy but probably evil chocolate] (noncombat: one of +5 Dreams and Lights effect, +5 Incredibly Hulking effect, +5 Poisoned effect, +5 Spooky Breath effect, recover all HP and +5 Bloody Hand effect, recover all MP and -5 HP, or +20-25 Mus, +20-25 Mys, and +20-24 Mox; +5 Adventures for the first one consumed per day, +3 Adventures for the second one consumed per day, +1 Adventure for the third one consumed per day, and 0 Adventures for the fourth and subsequent per day)
• [fancy chocolate] (noncombat: one of +5 Rainy Soul Miasma effect, +10 Gothy effect, +10 Canadianity effect, +10 Confused effect, recover all HP, recover all MP and -5 HP, -12-13 HP, or +21-23 Mus, +20-22 Mys, and +21-22 Mox; +5 Adventures for the first one consumed per day, +3 Adventures for the second one consumed per day, +1 Adventure for the third one consumed per day, and 0 Adventures for the fourth and subsequent per day)
• [fancy dress ball] (combat: you instantly escape from combat, receiving no items, meat, or experience)
• Feng Shui For Big Dumb Idiots (noncombat: if you have a decorative fountain and windchimes in your inventory, equips your campsite with really good Feng Shui if you don't already have it; otherwise no effect, reusable)
• fizzy potion: see ! potion
• flaming familiar doppelgänger (noncombat: randomly becomes one of evil flaming eyeball pendant, flaming juggler's balls, a flaming pink shirt, or liar's pants, -approx. 5% HP)
• flaming juggler's balls (noncombat: randomly becomes one of evil flaming eyeball pendant, a flaming familiar doppelgänger, a flaming pink shirt, or liar's pants, -approx. 5% HP)
• flaming pink shirt (noncombat: randomly becomes one of evil flaming eyeball pendant, a flaming familiar doppelgänger, flaming juggler's balls, or liar's pants, -approx. 5% HP)
• flare gun (combat: 11-27 damage OR 11-27 damage + 16-25 hot damage OR you suffer 11-27 damage + 16-25 hot damage)
• flat dough (noncombat: acquire wad of dough)
• forest tears (noncombat or combat: +5-10 HP, removes Beaten Up effect)
• fortune cookie (receive one of the following four fortunes)
• A clover only works once. Be careful where you go while carrying one.
• If you take a clover to the casino, you'll get an item that's more valuable than it appears.
• The Hermit's inventory changes each day. If you don't find what you're looking for, try back tomorrow.
• The world is a grand comedy to your sense of humor.
• Frigid Ninja Stars (combat: 20-25 damage)
• Frobozz Real-Estate Company Instant House™ (noncombat: installs a house at your campsite, if you don't already have one)
• frozen Mob Penguin (noncombat: acquire penguin skin, kneecapping stick, and 0-1 Mob Penguin cellular phones OR penguin skin, iron pasta spoon, and 1-2 scrolls of pasta summoning OR penguin skin, 0-1 support cummerbunds, and 1-2 mafia arias)
• fruit basket (noncombat: acquire 2-5 of: cranberries, grapefruit, grapes, lemon, olive, orange, papaya, strawberry, tomato and 2-3 of: cherry, jumbo olive, lime)
• fruit bowl (noncombat: acquire 2-5 of: cranberries, grapefruit, grapes, lemon, olive, orange, papaya, strawberry, tomato)
• giant Moxie weed (noncombat: +5-7 Mox, 1 Spleen)
• Gnollish toolbox (noncombat: acquire up to three of: cog, empty meat tank, spring, sprocket)
• Gnomish toolbox (noncombat: acquire 2-3 of: clockwork key, cog, flange, spring, sprocket)
• gob of wet hair (combat: "You sling the wad of hair at your opponent. He gets tangled up in it and is really, really grossed out. He ignores you for a second while trying to get untangled from the sloppy, hairy mess." Opponent does not attack this turn.)
• Goodfella contract (combat: with Penguin Goodfella equipped, does damage to your opponent [in its elemental weakness, if it has one] for the cost of some Meat)
• goofballs (noncombat: +10 Hopped Up on Goofballs effect. Starting with the 7th time you use them, you start losing stat points -- about 20 of each to begin with, then increasing with more uses)
• gourd potion (noncombat: +30-31 prime stat)
• Great Ball of Frozen Fire (noncombat: randomly becomes one of evil flaming eyeball pendant, a flaming familiar doppelgänger, flaming juggler's balls, a flaming pink shirt, or liar's pants, -approx. 5% HP)
• green candy heart (noncombat: +10 Heart of Green effect)
• green pixel potion (noncombat or combat: +18-20 HP and MP)
• green snowcone (noncombat: +20 Green Tongue effect)
• green-frosted astral cupcake (noncombat: +20 The Cupcake of Wrath effect)
• grouchy restless spirit (combat: 40-45 spooky damage)
• guy made of bee pollen (noncombat: +18-22 Mus, +18-22 Mys, +18-22 Mox, +6-10 Adventures, 3 Spleen)
• handful of drink tickets (noncombat: if undisguised, acquire 2-3 of: bottle of gin, bottle of rum, bottle of tequila, bottle of vodka, bottle of whiskey, boxed wine, ice-cold Willer; if disguised, acquire 3-5 from the same list)
• handful of hand chalk (noncombat: +5 Chalky Hand effect)
• handsomeness potion (noncombat: +5 Mysteriously Handsome effect)
• Hatorade (noncombat: +1 PvP fight, 5 Spleen)
• henna tattoo (noncombat: +5 Hennaliciousness effect)
• hermit script (noncombat: enables access to the Hermitage without a Hermit Permit)
• hexagonal wand: see WandEffects
• homeopathic healing powder (noncombat: increases the effectiveness of the next stat booster you use)
• hot nuggets (noncombat: +5 Flaming Weapon effect)
• hot powder (noncombat: +5 Flame-Retardant Trousers effect)
• hot wad (noncombat: +1 Adventure, +24-30 Mus, +8-10 Mys, +16-20 Mox, +10 Hot Blooded effect, 1 Spleen)
• Hugo's Weaving Manual: see FrondItems
• ice baby (noncombat: becomes an ice pick; -1 Adventure)
• ice-cold six-pack (noncombat: acquire 6 ice-cold Sir Schlitzes)
• ice pick (noncombat: becomes ice skates; -1 Adventure)
• ice sickle (noncombat: becomes an ice baby; -1 Adventure)
• ice skates (noncombat: becomes an ice sickle; -1 Adventure)
• ice stein (noncombat: if you have an ice-cold six pack in your inventory, uses it for 12 A, 34-39 MP, 6 D; otherwise, no effect, reusable)
• iceberglet (noncombat: becomes one of ice baby, ice pick, ice sickle, or ice skates)
• inkwell (combat: "You pour the inkwell out on your opponent, blinding it. It pauses to rub its eyes." Your opponent does not attack this turn. OR "You pour the inkwell out on your opponent, blinding it." Presumably this decreases opponent power.)
• jabañero-flavored chewing gum (noncombat: +5 Spicy Mouth effect)
• jar of swamp gas (combat: 20-30 stench damage, stuns opponent for 2-3 rounds)
• jug-o-magicalness (noncombat: +8-10 Mys, 1 Spleen)
• [kite] (combat: "You hold the kite aloft and take off running towards your opponent. As you get near him, you start winding the string around him snowspeeder-style, and tangle it all up." Your opponent does not attack this turn.)
• Knob Goblin eyedrops (noncombat: +10 Peeled Eyeballs effect)
• Knob Goblin firecracker (noncombat: +3 Missing Fingers effect; combat: 2-4 damage)
• Knob Goblin learning pill (noncombat: +10 Big Veiny Brain effect)
• Knob Goblin love potion (noncombat: +5 Knob Goblin Lust Frenzy effect & -15 Mus)
• Knob Goblin nasal spray (noncombat: +10 Wasabi Sinuses effect)
• Knob Goblin perfume (noncombat: +1 Knob Goblin Perfume effect)
• Knob Goblin pet-buffing spray (noncombat: +10 Heavy Petting effect)
• Knob Goblin seltzer (noncombat or combat: +8-12 MP)
• Knob Goblin sharpening spray (noncombat: +5 Sharp Weapon effect)
• Knob Goblin steroids (noncombat: +5 Steroid Boost effect & -15 Mox)
• Knob Goblin stink bomb (combat: "A choking stench fills the air. Your opponent gags and stumbles." Presumably this reduces your opponent's power.)
• Knob Goblin superseltzer (noncombat or combat: +25-29 MP)
• Knob Kitchen Grab-Bag (noncombat: acquire up to five of: Knob Mushroom, Knob Sausage, spices, wad of dough)
• large box (noncombat: acquire 6 ! potions)
• lavender candy heart (noncombat: +10 Heart of Lavender effect)
• leftovers of indeterminate origin (combat: 5-6 stench damage)
• liar's pants (noncombat: randomly becomes one of evil flaming eyeball pendant, a flaming familiar doppelgänger, flaming juggler's balls, or a flaming pink shirt, -approx. 5% HP)
• lime-and-chile-flavored chewing gum (noncombat: +5 Spicy Limeness effect)
• M-242 (noncombat: +50 Adrenaline Rush effect; only usable on Dependence Day; only one firework [M-242, snake, or sparkler] may be used on Dependence Day)
• [Mafia Aria] (noncombat: +5 Hernia! effect if used while not wearing a support cummerbund, +5 Macho Profundo effect if used while wearing a support cummerbund)
• magical mystery juice (noncombat or combat: +(4-6 + 1.5*current level) MP)
• magicalness-in-a-can (noncombat: +1-3 Mys, 1 Spleen)
• makeshift cape (fold to turn into a makeshift skirt)
• makeshift crane (fold to turn into a makeshift turban)
• makeshift skirt (fold to turn into a makeshift crane)
• makeshift turban (fold to turn into a makeshift cape)
• Manual of Dexterity (noncombat: +20 Mox on first use, +40 Mox on second use, +100 Mox on third use, +40 Mox on fourth use, +20 Mox on fifth use, nothing on subsequent uses; reusable; only usable once/day)
• Manual of Labor (noncombat: +20 Mus on first use, +40 Mus on second use, +100 Mus on third use, +40 Mus on fourth use, +20 Mus on fifth use, nothing on subsequent uses; reusable; only usable once/day)
• Manual of Transmission (noncombat: +20 Mys on first use, +40 Mys on second use, +100 Mys on third use, +40 Mys on fourth use, +20 Mys on fifth use, nothing on subsequent uses; reusable; only usable once/day)
• marble wand: see WandEffects
• mariachi G-string (combat: 10-15 damage)
• marzipan skull (noncombat: +5 Sugar Rush effect & +5 Poisoned effect & +5 Hombre Muerto Caminando effect)
• meat golem (noncombat: installs a meat golem at your campsite if you don't already have one)
• meat globe (noncombat: +100 Mus & +100 Mys & +100 Mox & +1500 meat)
• meat maid (noncombat: installs a meat maid at your campsite if you don't already have one)
• meat vortex (noncombat: -56-90 meat; combat: take meat from an opponent, proportional to the amount it normally drops)
• Medicinal Herb's medicinal herbs (noncombat: restores all HP, 1 Spleen)
• Meleegra™ pills (noncombat: +5 Engorged Weapon effect)
• Mick's IcyVapoHotness Rub (noncombat: +10 Extreme Muscle Relaxation effect)
• milky potion: see ! potion
• [Mob Penguin Cellular Phone] (combat: one of: take meat from an opponent, do damage to an opponent, OR instantly win the fight, unless fighting a Mob Penguin, in which case it damages you)
• mojo filter (noncombat: -1 Spleen, only usable 3/day)
• mother's little helper (noncombat: +10 Tranquilized Mind effect)
• Mountain Stream soda (noncombat or combat: +6-9 MP)
• Moxie weed (noncombat: +1-3 Mox, 1 Spleen)
• munchies pill (noncombat: increases the adventures obtained from the next food you eat)
• murky potion: see ! potion
• Newbiesport™ tent (noncombat: installs a Newbiesport™ tent at your campsite, if you don't already have one or something better)
• NG (combat: 25-29 damage)
• old coin purse (noncombat: +450-548 Meat)
• old leather wallet (noncombat: +403-588 Meat)
• onion shurikens (combat: 10-15 sleaze damage)
• orange candy heart (noncombat: +10 Heart of Orange effect)
• orange snowcone (noncombat: +20 Orange Tongue effect)
• orange-frosted astral cupcake (noncombat: +20 Shiny Happy Cupcake effect)
• outrageous sombrero (noncombat: +5 La Bamba effect; only usable once/day)
• pack of chewing gum (noncombat: acquire tamarind-flavored chewing gum, lime-and-chile-flavored chewing gum, pickle-flavored chewing gum, and jabañero-flavored chewing gum)
• pagoda plans (noncombat: if you have a ketchup hound and Hey Deze nuts, installs a pagoda at your campsite if you don't already have one; otherwise no effect, reusable)
• palm frond: see FrondItems
• palm-frond fan (noncombat: +35-45 HP and +35-45 MP; combat: +30-40 HP and +30-40 MP)
• palm-frond net (combat: "You throw the palm frond net at your opponent. It struggles free of it, but gets all scratched up in the process." Opponent does not attack this turn, and opponent power is presumably reduced.)
• patchouli incense stick (noncombat: +5 Embarrassed effect & +5 Far Out effect)
• Penultimate Fantasy chest (noncombat: +100-200 meat & acquire up to five of: cocoa eggshell fragment, phonics down, scroll of drastic healing, soft green echo eyedrop antidote, super-spikey hair gel, tiny house)
• phonics down (noncombat: +46-50 HP and MP & one of: +3-5 Tingly Biceps effect OR +3-5 Tingly Wrists effect OR +3-5 Tingly Elbows effect)
• photoprotoneutron torpedo (combat: 30-40 damage)
• pickle-flavored chewing gum (noncombat: +5 Mystic Pickleness effect)
• pile of candy (noncombat: acquire 3-5 of: Angry Farmer candy, marzipan skull, Tasty Fun Good rice candy, Yummy Tummy bean)
• pine tar (noncombat: +30 Sticky Hands effect)
• pine wand: see WandEffects
• pink candy heart (noncombat: +10 Heart of Pink effect)
• pink-frosted astral cupcake (noncombat: +20 Your Cupcake Senses are Tingling effect)
• Platinum Yendorian Express Card (noncombat: +5 duration to all effects and restores all MP; usable once/day)
• plot hole (combat: 20-25 damage)
• plus sign (noncombat: before visiting the Oracle: nothing; after visiting the Oracle and obtaining a Major Consultation: unlocks the Dungeons of Doom)
• [possessed top] (combat: "The top spins itself in front of your opponent, making it very dizzy." Presumably this reduces your opponent's power.)
• pretty bouquet (noncombat: installs a pretty bouquet at your campsite if you have less than 9)
• probability potion (noncombat: +10 Uncertain effect)
• purple snowcone (noncombat: +20 Purple Tongue effect)
• purple-frosted astral cupcake (noncombat: +20 Tiny Bubbles in the Cupcake effect)
• pygmy pygment (noncombat: +10 Woad Warrior effect)
• razor-sharp can lid (combat: 3 damage)
• [razor-tipped yo-yo] (combat: 35-44 damage)
• red pixel potion (noncombat or combat: +25-30 HP)
• red snowcone (noncombat: +20 Red Tongue effect)
• Regular Cloaca Cola (noncombat: +7-9 MP)
• reodorant (noncombat: +10 Hippy Stench effect)
• rocky raccoon (combat: 50-60 damage)
• roll of drink tickets (noncombat: if undisguised, -10 HP, reusable; if disguised, acquire 5-7 of: bottle of gin, bottle of rum, bottle of tequila, bottle of vodka, bottle of whiskey, boxed wine, ice-cold Willer)
• roll of toilet paper (noncombat: apply toilet paper to the campsite of a player of your choice. Target will receive 1 Mus the next time he/she rests and gets N/2 (rounded down) rolls of toilet paper in return)
• rolling pin (noncombat: all wads of dough become flat dough)
• roofie (noncombat: +10 Confused effect and +10 Amorous effect; combat: you hit your opponent with the roofie, either knocking him out that round or dazing him)
• scroll of ancient forbidden unspeakable evil (combat: 20-30 damage depending on enemy resistance -- does spooky damage to cold monsters, stench damage to hot monsters, sleaze damage to stench monsters, hot damage to spooky monsters, cold damage to sleaze monsters, and physical damage to normal monsters; instantly kills physically-resistance monsters; you take 5-6 damage of a random element)
• scroll of drastic healing (noncombat: completely restores HP; [15/45] chance of being reusable)
• [scroll of pasta summoning] (noncombat: acquire one of: boring spaghetti, delicious noodles, Gnocchetti di Nietzsche, Spaghetti with Skullheads, spicy noodles)
• seal tooth (noncombat: -1 Mus & +3 Bloody Hand effect, reusable; combat: 2-3 damage, reusable)
• shaving cream (noncombat: +5 Clean-Shaven effect; combat: You spray the shaving cream in your opponent's eyes)
• six pack of Mountain Stream (noncombat: acquire 6 Mountain Stream sodas)
• skeleton key ring (noncombat: acquire 3-4 skeleton keys)
• sleaze nuggets (noncombat: +5 Sleazy Weapon effect)
• sleaze powder (noncombat: +5 Sleaze-Resistant Trousers effect)
• sleaze wad (noncombat: +1 Adventure, +12-15 Mus, +12-15 Mys, +24-30 Mox, +10 Supafly effect, 1 Spleen)
• small box (noncombat: acquire 3-4 ! potions)
• smoky potion: see ! potion
• smudged alchemical recipe (noncombat: acquire a random Way of Sauce potion, occasionally also -10 HP)
• snake (noncombat: +50 Sneaky Serpentine Subtlety effect; only usable on Dependence Day; only one firework [M-242, snake, or sparkler] may be used on Dependence Day)
• soda water (noncombat: +3-5 MP)
• soft green echo eyedrop antidote (noncombat: remove any one effect of your choice)
• sonar-in-a-biscuit (combat: 5-7 damage)
• sparkler (noncombat: +50 Sparkling Consciousness effect; only usable on Dependence Day; only one firework [M-242, snake, or sparkler] may be used on Dependence Day)
• spices (combat: 2-3 damage, reusable)
• spider web (combat: "You toss the spider web at your opponent, who gets tangled up in it. A little bit." Presumably this reduces your opponent's power.)
• spooky cosmetics bag (noncombat: obtain 4-6 spooky eyeliner and 4-6 spooky lipstick)
• spooky eyeliner (noncombat: +10 Gothy effect)
• spooky lipstick (noncombat: +10 Gothy effect)
• spooky nuggets (noncombat: +5 Spooky Weapon effect)
• spooky powder (noncombat: +5 Spookypants effect)
• spooky wad (noncombat: +1 Adventure, +8-10 Mus, +24-30 Mys, +16-20 Mox, +10 Spooky Demeanor effect, 1 Spleen)
• spooky scarecrow (noncombat: installs a spooky scarecrow at your campsite if you don't already have one)
• St. Sneaky Pete's Day goodies basket (noncombat: obtain fake plastic grass, 4-5 Oyster eggs, and 4-5 of: bottle of gin, bottle of rum, bottle of tequila, bottle of vodka, bottle of whiskey, or boxed wine)
• star throwing star (combat: 36-44 damage)
• stat script (noncombat: +116-118 Mus & +101-140 Mys & +106-134 Mox)
• stench nuggets (noncombat: +5 Stinky Weapon effect)
• stench powder (noncombat: +5 Smelly Pants effect)
• stench wad (noncombat: +1 Adventure, +16-20 Mus, +24-30 Mys, +8-10 Mox, +10 Stenchtastic effect, 1 Spleen)
• [stick-on-a-string] (combat: either 11-15 damage OR "You wrap the string around your opponent, then pull on the stick, spinning him around dizzily, until the stick snaps in half", presumably weakening him)
• strongness elixir (noncombat: +1-3 Mus, 1 Spleen)
• [stuffed alien blob] (combat: turns into another random combat item)
• [stuffed doppelshifter] (combat: turns into another random combat item)
• sugar-coated pine cone (noncombat: +10 Sugar Rush effect and +10 Antsy in your Pantsy effect)
• suntan lotion of moxiousness (noncombat: +8-10 Mox, 1 Spleen)
• super-spikey hair gel (noncombat: +5 Spiky Hair effect)
• swirly potion: see ! potion
• tamarind-flavored chewing gum (noncombat: +5 Tamarind Torment effect)
• Tasty Fun Good Rice Candy (noncombat: +5 Sugar Rush effect)
• T-bone key (noncombat: if you have a locked Orcish meat locker in your inventory, meat stack & empty Orcish meat locker; otherwise, no effect, reusable)
• tattered scrap of paper (combat: "You quickly fold the tattered scrap of paper into an origami unicorn and set it in front of your opponent. As he stares at it, puzzling over its implications, you beat feet out of there." You escape from combat and no adventure is used OR "You attempt to fold the tattered scrap of paper into some kind of philosophically distracting origami, but the best you can manage is a sort of squashy giraffe. Your opponent is unimpressed." No effect)
• ten-leaf clover (noncombat: acquire disassembled clover)
• thin black candle (noncombat: +10 Rainy Soul Miasma effect)
• Time Juice (noncombat: +1 Adventure)
• tiny house (noncombat: +20-24 HP and MP; removes Beaten Up effect)
• tonic water (noncombat: +32-50 MP)
• [top] (combat: "You spin the top in front of your opponent, making him very dizzy." Presumably this reduces your opponent's power.)
• towel (fold to turn into a makeshift turban)
• [toy mercenary] (combat: 30-35 damage at a cost of (damage-25) meat; nothing if not enough meat; reusable)
• [toy soldier] (combat: with a bottle of tequila in inventory, 32-35 damage and uses the bottle of tequila; otherwise, nothing; reusable)
• [tree-eating kite] (combat: 20-25 damage; reusable OR "You hold the kite aloft and take off running towards your opponent. As you get near him, you start winding the string around him snowspeeder-style, and tangle it all up. The kite gets pretty much destroyed in the struggle." Presuambly weakens your opponent.)
• tube of hair oil (noncombat: +18-20 Mox, +10 Got Your Boots On, 1 Spleen)
• turtle pheromones (noncombat: +10 Eau de Tortue effect; if you already have Eau de Tortue effect, no effect, reusable)
• turtle totem (combat: 2-3 damage, reusable)
• twinkly nuggets (noncombat: +5 Twinkly Weapon effect)
• twinkly powder (noncombat: +5 Twinklebritches effect)
• twinkly wad (noncombat: +1 Adventure, +8-10 Mus, +8-10 Mys, +8-10 Mox, +10 Aspect of the Twinklefairy effect, 1 Spleen)
• unrolling pin (noncombat: all flat dough becomes wads of dough)
• useless powder (noncombat: no effect)
• vial of patchouli oil (combat: "You throw the vial of patchouli oil at your opponent. Your rage increases to epic proportions.")
• wad of dough (noncombat: acquire flat dough)
• WANG (noncombat: target of your choice gets +100 Wanged effect)
• Warm Subject gift certificate (noncombat: +403-496 meat)
• white candy heart (noncombat: +10 Heart of White effect)
• white picket fence (noncombat: installs a yard of white picket fence at your campyard if you have less than 9)
• wussiness potion (noncombat: +3 Wussiness effect; combat: "You pour the wussiness potion on your opponent. It cowers." Presumably this reduces your opponent's power.)
• yellow candy heart (noncombat: +10 Heart of Yellow effect)
• [Yeti Protest Sign] (noncombat: -1 Adventure)
• [yo] (combat: 17-20 damage)
• [yo-yo] (combat: 32-38 damage)