Subjunctive KoL: TrophySpoilers

Here's how to get the trophies.

• Little Boat -- take 100 shore trips
• Big Boat -- take 1000 shore trips
• 100 Pound Load -- have familiars with a total of 100 pounds. Note that familiars with 0 kills do not count towards the total for these three trophies.
• 300 Pound Load -- have familiars with a total of 300 pounds
• Black Hole Terrarium -- have familiars with a total of 500 pounds
• Silver Yeti -- spend 10 turns protesting Yeti slaughter
• Golden Yeti -- spend 100 turns protesting Yeti slaughter
• Palindrophy -- have a Pagoda at your campsite
• Platinum Skull -- eat 5 bowls of spaghetti with Skullheads
• I Heart Canadia -- drink over 30 white Canadians
• Der Toastdieb -- win toast from another player in PvP
• Easy Come Easy Go -- discard a pretty flower
• Bouquet of Hippies -- eat 420 herb brownies
• The Ghuol Cup -- eat 11 servings of ghuol guolash
• Disgusting Cocktail -- drink 5 tomato daiquiris
• Weeping Pizza -- eat 5 white chocolate and tomato pizzas
• Failure to Communicate -- eat 50 Lucky Surprise Eggs
• Tiny Plastic Trophy -- have all 32 tiny plastic figures in your display case
• This Lousy Trophy -- be around when Ascension rolled out
• Friend of Elves -- slay 10 reindeer in CrimboTown
• The Reindeer Hunter -- slay 100 reindeer in CrimboTown
• Look, Ma! No Pants! -- have no pants on at New Year's 2006*
• Brass Bowling Trophy Trophy -- obtain the brass bowling trophy in the StrangeLeaflet
• Little Chickadee Trophy -- have 1000 drunkenness or more. Note that you must buy this trophy while you are drunk. It will go away if you sober up without buying it!
• Gender Bender -- undergo 30 gender changes in the Sleazy Back Alley
• Your Log Saw Something That Night -- enter "Laura Palmer" into your quest notes
• The Three Amigos -- donate 1,000,000 Meat to each of the three shrines in the Hall of the Legends of the Times of Old
• Festive Dismemberment -- use a Knob Goblin firecracker on July 4th
• Best Meal of My Life -- consume 60 White Citadel burgers, 10 White Citadel fries, and 4 each of Cherry and Diet Cloaca Cola. You're also entitled to a heart attack.
• Scourge of Seals -- reach level 30 as a Seal Clubber
• Tzar of Turtles -- reach level 30 as a Turtle Tamer
• Potentate of Pasta -- reach level 30 as a Pastamancer
• Sauciest Saucier -- reach level 30 as a Sauceror
• Duke of Disco -- reach level 30 as a Disco Bandit
• Maestro of Mariachi -- reach level 30 as an Accordion Thief*
• Hothouse Hero -- have +100 hot damage (either physical or spell) and Hotform active
• Cool Customer -- have +100 cold damage (either physical or spell) and Coldform active
• Wink Wink, Nudge Nudge -- have +100 sleaze damage (either physical or spell) and Sleazeform active
• Dreadful, Just Dreadful -- have +100 spooky damage (either physical or spell) and Spookyform active
• Malodorous -- have +100 stench damage (either physical or spell) and Stenchform active
• The Butler Did It -- read the Manual of Labor, Transmission, or Dexterity a large number of times in a single ascension (approximately 30)
• Slapstick -- discard, and subsequently slip on, 3 banana peels
• Bringer of Storms -- use 100 chaos butterflies, either in combat or out of combat
• Brave Sir Robin -- flee from combat 100 times
• Crossroads -- use 50 scrolls of ancient forbidden unspeakable evil
• Extinctionist -- "empty out" the Dungeons of Doom by killing each monster 120 times
• Phileas Foggy -- drink 80 around-the-worlds
• Friend of the Devils -- summon any combination of 30 demons in the Summoning Chamber
• Two-Tiered Tiny Plastic Trophy -- have all 64 tiny plastic Series 2 figurines in your display case

Ascension Trophies

• Big Boss -- beat the Boss Bat, Goblin King, and Bonerdagon with the mind-control setting at 11. Note that if you fight Baron von Ratsworth, you also need to beat him with the mind control at 11 as well.
• Gadget Inspector -- find (not buy) ten clockwork keys in the course of a single Ascension
• Golden Meat Stack -- accumulate 1,000,000 Meat (i.e. in your inventory) while in Hardcore. Like Gourdcore, you must finish this and buy the trophy before breaking the prism.
• Gourdcore -- complete the Gourd quest all 21 times (up to 25 items) while in hardcore. Note that you must finish the quest and buy the trophy before beating the Sorceress (technically, breaking the prism), as beating her will end the hardcore part of your run. Even if you earn the trophy, if you fail to buy it before beating the Sorceress, it'll disappear from the Trophy Hut!
• Jack of Several Trades -- acquire all of the Gnome skills permanently*
• Let My Bugbears Go -- visit the Bugbear Pens in a bugbear outfit after freeing them from the Spooky Gravy Fairies and get the One Day in the Life adventure. See the warning in AscensionSpoilers in the Degrassi Knoll section before trying to get this trophy!
• 99 Red Balloons -- obtain 99 red balloons, either from the Gift Shop after your 26th ascension, or from another player. Then, "use multiple" all of them at once.*
• Slice and Dice -- ascend with a 20-lb. Stab Bat
• Three-Tiered Trophy -- consume a three-tiered wedding cake (this can only be done on the Feast of Boris with Stomach of Steel)
• Trivially Skilled -- keep as permanent skills all six of the starting skills*

* -- something I have not confirmed personally yet

Thanks to Bashy for 99 Red Balloons, JOBOX for Little Chickadee, and Masiello The Great for Festive Dismemberment.