Subjunctive KoL   Subjunctive KoL: CrimboPresents

On Crimbo (conveniently the same day in the Kingdom as Christmas in the real world), Jick has handed out various gifts to the players of Loathing. Here's a rundown:

On the first Crimbo, 12/25/03, KoLers received a Crimbo pressie. This present, when opened, yielded a fruitcake and a piece of wrapping paper. The wrapping paper could be smithed into a Crimbo sword, Crimbo hat, or Crimbo pants; these items are now among the rarest items in the Kingdom.

On the second Crimbo, 12/25/04, KoLers received a Crimbo stocking. The stocking could be used to yield eggnog, a candy cane, a gingerbread bugbear, and a small Crimbo pressie. The small Crimbo pressie, in turn, yielded a bow and either a Hanukkimbo dreidl, imitation nice watch, or tiny plastic sword. These items are now also very valuable (especially the tiny plastic sword, which is the most useful of the three).

The third Crimbo, Crimbo 2005, worked somewhat differently. On December 1, citizens of Loathing awoke to find that Uncle Crimbo had placed an Advent Calendar in their campground. You could open a new panel on the calendar each day, yielding a new and exciting item. (However, if you forgot to open your panel for a day, the item would vanish and there would be no way to get it. Bummer.) The loot from the calendar is as follows:

Furthermore, on December 25, Uncle Crimbo placed a new item in people's inventory. The new item was one of the following:

The new items form a new outfit, Arboreal Raiment, but other than that they do not appear to have a function.

A few days before Crimbo 2005, a new area, CrimboTown also opened up for the holidays.

The fourth Crimbo, Crimbo 2006, worked similarly to Crimbo 2005, but with some changes. Since Crimbo coincided with Halloween in the KoL calendar, the two merged into a "Crimboween" event. The main part of the event was the exciting SaveUncleCrimbo quest. In addition, you got a Spooky Advent Calendar in your campground, which also yielded one item each day. (Unlike in 2005, the calendar would save items, so if you missed an item you could get two the next day.) The items were:

Furthermore, if you did not have a chocolate lump and had not used it, opening a window on the Spooky Advent Calendar would give you a chocolate lump, allowing you to begin the SaveUncleCrimbo quest.

On December 25, 2006, Uncle Crimbo gave a tropical Crimbo pressie to all Loathers in the Kingdom. The tropical Crimbo pressie, when opened, yielded tropical wrapping paper (which could be smithed into a Tropical Crimbo Hat, a Tropical Crimbo Sword, or Tropical Crimbo Shorts), and either a tropical paperweight, a deck of tropical cards, or a Tiki lighter. Those who successfully completed the SaveUncleCrimbo quest also received an additional gift: either a bobble-hip hula elf doll, a Crimbo ukelele, or a lucky Crimbo tiki necklace. As you might expect, the Tropical Crimbo Hat, Tropical Crimbo Sword, and Tropical Crimbo Shorts form their own outfit, the TropicalCrimboDuds.

Here's the effects of the various Crimbo food and drinks:

The fancy chocolate is different. It's a candy, not a food, so it doesn't have fullness. When you eat the fancy chocolate, it gives you one of the following effects, depending on the (randomly-determined) flavor of the chocolate:

Fancy but evil chocolate works the same way, although the effects are different:

Fancy chocolate and fancy but evil chocolate will give you more adventures, but with diminishing returns each day. Note that the two operate on the same counter; that is, if you eat a fancy chocolate and then a fancy but evil chocolate, you'll get 5 adventures from the first and 3 from the second.