Subjunctive KoL: BuffBots

If you don't want to go to the trouble of finding a human, there are a few buff bots in KoL which will automatically cast various buffs on you for some amount of meat. Most of these work on the same basic principle: Each charges a specific amount of meat for different buffs, and all you have to do is send a kmail with the magic amount of meat. Important: Before sending meat to any of these bots, make sure that they're online! Especially with Ascension, a lot of bots are not around 24/7. Otherwise you may not get your buff for a while, or possibly not at all.

Philanthropic Bots

These bots are all-in-one bots which can offer buffs from all classes. They offer "free" shots of the most popular buffs in the Kingdom once per day ("free" meaning less than 10 meat), and larger quantities of other buffs for regular prices. There are currently three major bots of this type in the Kingdom:

• Testudinata (#537858), run by Clan Otori. See the webpage for details. Testudinata is the longest-running of the three philanthropic bots. It does not offer the latest new high-level AT buffs, although Otori runs another AT bot, sneaksie (#79826), for these.
• Noblesse Oblige (#594822), run by Noblesse Oblige. See the webpage for details. Noblesse Oblige's bot features every single buff currently in the Kingdom. It also has convenient packs of frequently-requested combinations.
• IocaineBot (#792443), run by Iocaine Powder. See forum thread for details. IocaineBot is the newest of the bots, and is not quite as powerful as the other two. Nevertheless, the basic concept is still the same.

There is also a new web-based free buffbot created by Kinks here. It is currently entirely free, although you can only request a limited number of buffs per day. Still, it appears to be reliable and fast for now.

Other Bots

These bots offer market-price buffs.

• Monty Python's Quest for the Holy Grail also runs a full set of buffbots: Guitarman (#114474), Guitarman76 (#109840), and Mojo_Crusher (#108681). Details about them can be found here. A little pricier than some other bots but reliable and fast.
• The kNights of the Daytime operate a buffbot on Sir_Darwin (#46519). See their site at www.buffbot.net. These are still rolling out, so it may not be online all of the time.
• Dreadwing (#125120) is another Accordion Thief buffbot, specializing in bulk buff quantities.

Past buff bots (no longer online)

In the past, there were many buff bots available in the Kingdom. Now, most have fallen by the wayside thanks to the overwhelming popularity and convenience of the philanthropic bots above. To the best of my knowledge, none of these bots are regularly active, but they're listed here for historical reasons.

• Petal and Lawrence Welk were the first widely-used bots; they were Turtle Tamer and Accordion Thief bots, respectively, and operated by Pachelbel. They were widely used before Jick eviscerated the power of MP-restoring items on 11/3/04. They have not been online for several months now and I think it's safe to conclude that they're dead.
• Muzzy created a web-based buff bot here which had some Sauceror and Accordion Thief buffs available, as well as Turtle Tamers' Empathy, all for free. He eventually took it down 8/15/04 due to rampant inflation.
• Dirty Martin (#410929) was a very convenient KoLmafia-powered Accordion Thief buffbot. It is now no longer online.
• Marlee (#16962) was an automated Accordion Thief buffbot set up here.
• petalsoi (#311838) was a Turtle Tamer buffbot.
• Lost Generation used to run an Accordion Thief buffbot on lacynth (#334799).
• Aprocalypse used to run a TT buffbot on AproTurtle (#468277).
• Egon Spengler (#457111) was a buffbot dedicated to casting Empathy, run by Almighty Tallest.
• Jaana (#213306) was an AT buffbot run by The ULTIMAte Players.